1
00:00:47,881 --> 00:00:49,757
[CAR HORNS HONKING]
2
00:00:49,966 --> 00:00:52,760
There's nothing to tell.
It's just some guy I work with.
3
00:00:52,969 --> 00:00:55,137
Come on.
You're going out with a guy.
4
00:00:55,305 --> 00:00:57,848
There's gotta be something
wrong with him.
5
00:00:58,058 --> 00:00:59,933
So does he have a hump
and a hair piece?
6
00:01:02,395 --> 00:01:03,771
Wait. Does he eat chalk?
7
00:01:05,023 --> 00:01:08,233
I don't want her to go through
what I went through with Carl. Oh.
8
00:01:08,443 --> 00:01:11,236
Okay, everybody relax.
This is not even a date.
9
00:01:11,446 --> 00:01:14,406
It's just two people going out
to dinner and not having sex.
10
00:01:14,616 --> 00:01:16,158
Sounds like a date to me.
11
00:01:19,037 --> 00:01:21,872
I'm back in high school,
in the middle of the cafeteria...
12
00:01:22,082 --> 00:01:25,417
...and I realize I'm totally naked.
13
00:01:25,627 --> 00:01:27,169
- Oh, yeah.
- I've had that dream.
14
00:01:27,378 --> 00:01:31,465
Then I look down and I realize
there is a phone...
15
00:01:32,050 --> 00:01:34,009
...there.
16
00:01:34,928 --> 00:01:36,845
- Instead of...
- That's right!
17
00:01:37,055 --> 00:01:38,555
MONICA: That one, I've never had.
PHOEBE: No.
18
00:01:38,723 --> 00:01:42,851
All of a sudden,
the phone starts to ring.
19
00:01:43,061 --> 00:01:44,812
And it turns out it's my mother.
20
00:01:46,564 --> 00:01:50,859
Which is very, very weird
because she never calls me.
21
00:01:55,865 --> 00:01:57,783
Hi.
22
00:01:58,785 --> 00:02:01,954
This guy says "hello,"
I wanna kill myself.
23
00:02:02,247 --> 00:02:03,413
Are you okay, sweetie?
24
00:02:03,665 --> 00:02:08,335
I feel like someone grabbed my small
intestine, pulled it out of my mouth...
25
00:02:08,503 --> 00:02:11,380
...and tied it around my neck.
- Cookie?
26
00:02:13,383 --> 00:02:14,883
Carol moved her stuff out today.
27
00:02:15,093 --> 00:02:16,135
PHOEBE & JOEY:
Oh.
28
00:02:16,302 --> 00:02:18,095
- Let me get you some coffee.
- Thanks.
29
00:02:21,057 --> 00:02:22,808
Ew. Unh.
30
00:02:22,976 --> 00:02:26,937
No. No, don't!
Stop cleansing my aura.
31
00:02:27,230 --> 00:02:29,773
Just leave my aura alone, okay?
32
00:02:31,776 --> 00:02:34,653
I'll be fine. All right? Really.
I hope she'll be very happy.
33
00:02:34,821 --> 00:02:36,155
- No, you don't.
- No, I don't.
34
00:02:36,322 --> 00:02:38,157
To hell with her. She left me!
35
00:02:39,200 --> 00:02:41,160
And you never knew she was a lesbian.
36
00:02:45,206 --> 00:02:47,374
No! Okay?
37
00:02:47,542 --> 00:02:50,335
Why does everyone
keep fixating on that?
38
00:02:51,963 --> 00:02:54,756
She didn't know. How should I know?
39
00:02:56,593 --> 00:02:59,261
Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian.
40
00:03:00,889 --> 00:03:02,890
Did I say that out loud?
41
00:03:04,809 --> 00:03:08,896
All right, Ross. Look, you're feeling
a lot of pain right now.
42
00:03:09,063 --> 00:03:11,481
You're angry. You're hurting.
43
00:03:11,733 --> 00:03:13,942
Can I tell you what the answer is?
44
00:03:14,152 --> 00:03:15,444
Strip joints!
45
00:03:17,614 --> 00:03:19,948
Come on, you're single.
Have some hormones.
46
00:03:20,158 --> 00:03:22,451
See, but I don't want
to be single, okay?
47
00:03:22,660 --> 00:03:25,829
I just wanna be married again.
48
00:03:29,959 --> 00:03:33,086
And I just want a million dollars!
49
00:03:34,214 --> 00:03:35,297
Rachel?
50
00:03:35,465 --> 00:03:38,175
Oh, God, Monica! Hi! Thank God!
51
00:03:38,343 --> 00:03:41,511
I went to your building and
this guy with a hammer said...
52
00:03:41,679 --> 00:03:43,889
...that you might be here, and you are.
53
00:03:44,140 --> 00:03:47,643
- Can I get you some coffee?
- Decaf.
54
00:03:48,228 --> 00:03:52,189
Okay, everybody, this is Rachel,
another Lincoln High survivor.
55
00:03:52,440 --> 00:03:54,900
This is everybody.
This is Chandler and Phoebe...
56
00:03:55,109 --> 00:03:57,361
...and Joey. And remember
my brother, Ross?
57
00:03:57,528 --> 00:03:58,654
- Sure!
- Hey.
58
00:03:58,821 --> 00:04:00,739
- Hi.
- Oh, God.
59
00:04:06,955 --> 00:04:08,330
[SIGHS]
60
00:04:08,539 --> 00:04:12,125
So you wanna tell us now, or are we
waiting for four wet bridesmaids?
61
00:04:14,379 --> 00:04:19,341
Oh, God! Well, it started about
a half-hour before the wedding.
62
00:04:19,509 --> 00:04:21,927
I was in this room
with all the presents...
63
00:04:22,095 --> 00:04:23,929
...and I was looking
at this gravy boat.
64
00:04:24,138 --> 00:04:27,557
This really gorgeous
Limoges gravy boat.
65
00:04:27,725 --> 00:04:29,559
When all of a sudden...
Sweet 'N Low?
66
00:04:29,727 --> 00:04:31,853
- I realized...
67
00:04:32,021 --> 00:04:35,941
...I was more turned on by
this gravy boat than by Barry.
68
00:04:36,109 --> 00:04:39,152
Then I got really freaked out,
and that's when it hit me:
69
00:04:39,320 --> 00:04:42,114
How much Barry looks
like Mr. Potato Head.
70
00:04:42,532 --> 00:04:45,784
You know, I mean, I always knew
he looked familiar, but...
71
00:04:47,954 --> 00:04:51,290
Anyway, I just had to get out of there,
and I started wondering:
72
00:04:51,541 --> 00:04:55,127
"Why am I doing this?"
And "Who am I doing this for?"
73
00:04:55,295 --> 00:04:59,673
Anyway, I just didn't know where to go,
and I know you and I have drifted apart...
74
00:04:59,882 --> 00:05:02,718
...but you're the only person
I know in the city.
75
00:05:02,927 --> 00:05:04,594
Who wasn't invited to the wedding.
76
00:05:04,971 --> 00:05:07,889
Oh, I was kind of hoping that
wouldn't be an issue.
77
00:05:15,189 --> 00:05:17,274
[SPEAKING IN SPANISH
ON TV]
78
00:05:22,071 --> 00:05:24,573
I'm guessing he bought her
the big pipe organ...
79
00:05:24,741 --> 00:05:27,200
...and she's really not
happy about it.
80
00:05:28,453 --> 00:05:31,496
Daddy, I just... I can't marry him.
81
00:05:31,664 --> 00:05:33,332
I'm sorry.
82
00:05:33,499 --> 00:05:36,376
I just don't love him.
83
00:05:36,836 --> 00:05:39,504
Well, it matters to me.
84
00:05:42,008 --> 00:05:44,384
CHANDLER:
She should not be wearing those pants.
85
00:05:45,595 --> 00:05:47,554
I say push her down the stairs.
86
00:05:47,764 --> 00:05:50,974
ALL: Push her down the stairs!
Push her down the stairs!
87
00:05:51,392 --> 00:05:52,517
[ALL CHEER AND APPLAUD]
88
00:05:55,229 --> 00:05:57,230
Come on, Daddy, listen to me!
89
00:05:57,440 --> 00:06:01,985
It's like all of my life, everyone's
always told me, "You're a shoe!
90
00:06:02,153 --> 00:06:04,237
You're a shoe! You're a shoe!
You're a shoe!"
91
00:06:04,447 --> 00:06:07,616
Then today I stopped and said,
"What if I don't wanna be a shoe?
92
00:06:07,825 --> 00:06:10,994
What if I wanna be a purse?
You know?
93
00:06:11,162 --> 00:06:12,954
Or a hat?"
94
00:06:13,873 --> 00:06:16,416
I don't want you to buy me a hat,
I am a hat.
95
00:06:16,584 --> 00:06:18,794
It's a metaphor, Daddy!
96
00:06:20,546 --> 00:06:22,381
You can see where he'd have trouble.
97
00:06:25,635 --> 00:06:27,511
Look, Daddy, it's my life.
98
00:06:28,846 --> 00:06:31,306
Well, maybe I'll just stay
here with Monica.
99
00:06:34,310 --> 00:06:36,812
I guess we've established
she's staying with Monica.
100
00:06:38,898 --> 00:06:41,691
Well, maybe that's my decision.
101
00:06:42,276 --> 00:06:44,528
Well, maybe I don't need your money.
102
00:06:44,695 --> 00:06:46,947
Wait! Wait! I said maybe!
103
00:06:53,913 --> 00:06:56,123
Okay. Just breathe, that's it.
104
00:06:56,332 --> 00:06:58,792
Just try to think of nice, calm things.
105
00:06:59,001 --> 00:07:02,879
[SINGING] Raindrops on roses
And whiskers on kittens
106
00:07:03,256 --> 00:07:07,217
Doorbells and sleigh bells
And something with mittens
107
00:07:07,969 --> 00:07:11,346
La la la something
With string
108
00:07:11,514 --> 00:07:13,390
I'm all better now.
109
00:07:15,184 --> 00:07:17,185
I helped.
110
00:07:18,855 --> 00:07:21,189
MONICA: Look, this is probably
for the best, you know?
111
00:07:21,524 --> 00:07:24,067
Independence. Taking control of your life.
112
00:07:24,277 --> 00:07:28,613
And, hey, if you need anything,
you can always come to Joey.
113
00:07:28,781 --> 00:07:32,200
Me and Chandler live right
across the hall. And he's away a lot.
114
00:07:34,078 --> 00:07:36,621
Joey, stop hitting on her.
It's her wedding day.
115
00:07:36,831 --> 00:07:38,790
What? Like there's a rule or something?
116
00:07:39,459 --> 00:07:40,584
[INTERCOM BUZZES]
117
00:07:41,335 --> 00:07:44,880
Please don't do that again.
It's a horrible sound.
118
00:07:45,047 --> 00:07:47,466
PAUL: Uh, it's Paul.
- Buzz him in.
119
00:07:47,758 --> 00:07:50,051
- Who's Paul?
- Paul, the wine guy, Paul?
120
00:07:50,261 --> 00:07:51,303
Maybe.
121
00:07:51,512 --> 00:07:54,806
Wait a minute. Your "not a real date"
is with Paul, the wine guy?
122
00:07:55,016 --> 00:07:56,808
- He finally asked you out?
- Yes.
123
00:07:56,976 --> 00:07:58,768
Ooh. This is a "Dear Diary" moment.
124
00:08:00,313 --> 00:08:01,813
Rach, wait, I can cancel.
125
00:08:02,064 --> 00:08:03,857
Please, no. Go, I'll be fine.
126
00:08:04,025 --> 00:08:07,736
Ross, are you okay?
I mean, do you want me to stay?
127
00:08:08,613 --> 00:08:10,739
That'd be good.
128
00:08:11,115 --> 00:08:14,868
- Really?
- No, go on! It's Paul, the wine guy.
129
00:08:15,077 --> 00:08:16,203
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
130
00:08:18,706 --> 00:08:21,124
MONICA:
Hi, come in. Paul, this is...
131
00:08:22,001 --> 00:08:24,544
...everybody. Everybody, this is Paul.
132
00:08:25,004 --> 00:08:26,046
JOEY:
Paul, the wine guy.
133
00:08:26,255 --> 00:08:30,091
- Wine guy.
- I didn't catch your name. Paul, was it?
134
00:08:30,510 --> 00:08:33,053
- Okay. Sit down. Two seconds.
- Okay.
135
00:08:33,596 --> 00:08:36,014
[MOUTHING]
136
00:08:37,225 --> 00:08:40,310
Ooh, I just pulled out four eyelashes.
That can't be good.
137
00:08:42,855 --> 00:08:44,731
So, Rachel,
what are you up to tonight?
138
00:08:45,274 --> 00:08:49,110
Well, I was supposed to be headed
for Aruba on my honeymoon...
139
00:08:49,278 --> 00:08:50,320
...so, nothing.
140
00:08:52,740 --> 00:08:54,950
Right. You're not even
getting your honeymoon.
141
00:08:55,243 --> 00:08:59,204
God. No, no. Although, Aruba. Heh.
This time of year? Eh.
142
00:08:59,372 --> 00:09:01,957
Talk about your...
143
00:09:02,124 --> 00:09:03,166
...big lizards.
144
00:09:07,964 --> 00:09:10,674
Anyway, if you don't feel
like being alone tonight...
145
00:09:10,883 --> 00:09:13,718
...Joey and Chandler are
helping me with my furniture.
146
00:09:13,886 --> 00:09:17,055
Yes, and we're very excited about it.
147
00:09:17,223 --> 00:09:20,559
Actually, thanks, but I'm just gonna
hang out here tonight.
148
00:09:20,726 --> 00:09:22,769
- It's been a long day.
- Oh, sure. Okay. Sure.
149
00:09:22,937 --> 00:09:24,271
Hey, Pheebs, you wanna help?
150
00:09:24,689 --> 00:09:26,648
Oh, I wish I could, but I don't want to.
151
00:09:34,865 --> 00:09:39,286
I'm supposed to attach a bracket-y
thing to the side things...
152
00:09:39,453 --> 00:09:42,247
...using a bunch of these
little worm guys.
153
00:09:43,416 --> 00:09:48,169
I have no bracket-y thing,
I see no worm guys whatsoever...
154
00:09:48,337 --> 00:09:51,423
...and I cannot feel my legs.
155
00:09:53,009 --> 00:09:54,050
What's this?
156
00:09:54,260 --> 00:09:57,262
I have no idea.
157
00:09:59,140 --> 00:10:01,558
- Done with the bookcase.
- All finished.
158
00:10:05,146 --> 00:10:06,938
This was Carol's favorite beer.
159
00:10:09,025 --> 00:10:11,693
She always drank it out of the can.
I should have known.
160
00:10:11,861 --> 00:10:15,071
Hey. Ross, let me ask you a question.
161
00:10:15,239 --> 00:10:19,451
She got the furniture,
the stereo, the good TV.
162
00:10:19,619 --> 00:10:20,660
What did you get?
163
00:10:20,995 --> 00:10:22,037
You guys.
164
00:10:22,204 --> 00:10:24,289
- Oh, God. Oh, my God.
- You got screwed.
165
00:10:24,498 --> 00:10:28,793
- Oh, my God.
- I know, I know. I'm such an idiot.
166
00:10:29,337 --> 00:10:33,882
I should've caught on when she went to
the dentist four and five times a week.
167
00:10:34,050 --> 00:10:36,259
I mean, how clean can teeth get?
168
00:10:36,427 --> 00:10:38,845
My brother's going through that.
He's such a mess.
169
00:10:39,013 --> 00:10:40,680
How did you get through it?
170
00:10:40,890 --> 00:10:44,392
He might try accidentally breaking
something valuable of hers.
171
00:10:44,560 --> 00:10:46,144
- Say her...
- Leg?
172
00:10:46,312 --> 00:10:48,229
Heh. That's one way of going through it,
yeah.
173
00:10:48,773 --> 00:10:50,315
Me, I went for the watch.
174
00:10:50,775 --> 00:10:52,651
- You actually broke her watch?
- Mm.
175
00:10:53,277 --> 00:10:56,363
Barry, I'm sorry. I am so sorry.
176
00:10:56,614 --> 00:11:01,534
You probably think it's about making
love with your socks on, but it isn't.
177
00:11:01,702 --> 00:11:04,537
It isn't, it's about me. And I...
178
00:11:04,705 --> 00:11:06,706
[SIGHS]
179
00:11:11,587 --> 00:11:14,631
Hi. Machine cut me off again.
Anyway...
180
00:11:16,425 --> 00:11:20,512
You know what's scary? What if
there's only one woman for everybody?
181
00:11:20,721 --> 00:11:24,057
I mean, what if you get one
woman, and that's it?
182
00:11:24,225 --> 00:11:29,104
Unfortunately, in my case,
there was only one woman for her.
183
00:11:29,563 --> 00:11:32,816
What are you talking about?
One woman.
184
00:11:33,401 --> 00:11:37,028
That's like saying there's only
one flavor of ice cream for you.
185
00:11:37,196 --> 00:11:40,949
Let me tell you something, Ross.
There's lots of flavors out there.
186
00:11:41,117 --> 00:11:45,578
There's rocky road and cookie dough
and bing cherry vanilla.
187
00:11:46,205 --> 00:11:50,709
You can get them with jimmies
or nuts or whipped cream.
188
00:11:50,960 --> 00:11:53,628
This is the best thing that
ever happened to you.
189
00:11:53,796 --> 00:11:56,673
You got married. You were like, what, 8?
190
00:11:58,634 --> 00:12:02,637
Welcome back to the world. Grab a spoon.
191
00:12:02,805 --> 00:12:05,348
I honestly don't know
if I'm hungry or horny.
192
00:12:05,808 --> 00:12:07,183
Then stay out of my freezer.
193
00:12:10,938 --> 00:12:14,357
Ever since she walked out on me, I...
194
00:12:14,692 --> 00:12:16,651
What? What?
195
00:12:16,819 --> 00:12:18,653
You wanna spell it out with noodles?
196
00:12:18,863 --> 00:12:22,449
No, it's more of a fifth date
kind of revelation.
197
00:12:23,242 --> 00:12:26,286
Oh, so there's gonna be a fifth date?
198
00:12:27,830 --> 00:12:29,497
Isn't there?
199
00:12:29,707 --> 00:12:31,875
Yeah, yeah. I think there is.
200
00:12:33,711 --> 00:12:35,420
What were you gonna say?
201
00:12:37,047 --> 00:12:39,174
Well... Er, uh...
202
00:12:40,342 --> 00:12:42,552
Ever since she left me, um...
203
00:12:43,679 --> 00:12:46,973
...I haven't been able to perform...
204
00:12:47,224 --> 00:12:48,433
...sexually.
205
00:12:51,312 --> 00:12:52,812
Oh, God! Oh, God! I am so...
206
00:12:53,022 --> 00:12:54,230
- I'm so sorry.
- It's okay.
207
00:12:54,440 --> 00:12:57,859
Being spit on is probably
not what you need right now.
208
00:12:58,027 --> 00:12:59,736
Um...
209
00:13:00,112 --> 00:13:01,196
How long?
210
00:13:01,739 --> 00:13:02,822
Two years.
211
00:13:03,574 --> 00:13:05,283
Wow!
212
00:13:05,451 --> 00:13:08,411
I'm glad you smashed her watch.
213
00:13:10,372 --> 00:13:13,792
So you still think you might
want that fifth date?
214
00:13:16,796 --> 00:13:18,338
Yeah.
215
00:13:18,506 --> 00:13:20,340
Yeah, I do.
216
00:13:21,550 --> 00:13:24,886
I, Joanie, take you, Charles,
as my lawful husband.
217
00:13:25,221 --> 00:13:28,473
MINISTER: Do you take Joanie...?
- Oh! See.
218
00:13:28,641 --> 00:13:33,853
But Joanie loved Chachi.
That's the difference.
219
00:13:35,397 --> 00:13:36,773
"Grab a spoon."
220
00:13:37,107 --> 00:13:39,609
Do you know long it's been
since I grabbed a spoon?
221
00:13:40,110 --> 00:13:42,946
Do the words, "Billy, don't be
a hero," mean anything to you?
222
00:13:45,199 --> 00:13:49,702
You know, here's the thing.
Even if I could get it together enough...
223
00:13:49,870 --> 00:13:52,413
...to ask a woman out...
224
00:13:52,873 --> 00:13:55,291
...who am I gonna ask?
225
00:14:16,605 --> 00:14:17,981
Isn't this amazing?
226
00:14:18,148 --> 00:14:20,483
I mean, I have never made coffee
before in my life.
227
00:14:20,651 --> 00:14:23,152
- That is amazing.
- Congratulations.
228
00:14:23,362 --> 00:14:28,074
While you're on a roll, if you feel like you
gotta make a Western omelet or something...
229
00:14:30,995 --> 00:14:34,455
Although, actually I'm really
not that hungry this morning.
230
00:14:35,374 --> 00:14:36,708
- Good morning.
MONICA: Good morning.
231
00:14:36,876 --> 00:14:38,501
- Morning.
JOEY: Morning.
232
00:14:39,420 --> 00:14:41,588
- Morning.
JOEY: Morning, Paul.
233
00:14:41,755 --> 00:14:44,966
- Hello, Paul.
- Hi. Paul, is it?
234
00:14:49,096 --> 00:14:51,848
MONICA:
I had a really great time last night.
235
00:14:52,016 --> 00:14:53,892
PAUL:
Thank you. Thank you so much.
236
00:14:54,602 --> 00:14:57,478
- We'll talk later, okay?
- Yeah.
237
00:15:02,151 --> 00:15:03,985
Thank you.
238
00:15:09,825 --> 00:15:12,619
That wasn't a real date.
239
00:15:13,329 --> 00:15:16,164
What the hell do you do
on a real date?
240
00:15:17,041 --> 00:15:20,501
- Shut up and put my table back.
JOEY: Okay.
241
00:15:20,669 --> 00:15:22,545
All right, kids, I gotta get to work.
242
00:15:22,755 --> 00:15:28,259
If I don't input those numbers,
it doesn't make much of a difference.
243
00:15:31,305 --> 00:15:33,431
So, like, you guys all have jobs?
244
00:15:34,224 --> 00:15:35,892
Yeah, we all have jobs.
245
00:15:36,101 --> 00:15:38,728
See, that's how we buy stuff.
246
00:15:40,356 --> 00:15:41,648
Yeah, I'm an actor.
247
00:15:41,857 --> 00:15:44,067
Wow. Would I have seen you in anything?
248
00:15:44,276 --> 00:15:46,611
Oh, I doubt it. Mostly regional work.
249
00:15:46,820 --> 00:15:50,406
Unless you happened to catch the
Wee One's production of Pinocchio.
250
00:15:50,658 --> 00:15:53,201
"Look, Geppeto. I'm a real live boy."
251
00:15:56,038 --> 00:15:57,747
I will not take this abuse.
252
00:15:57,998 --> 00:15:59,916
You're right. I'm sorry.
253
00:16:00,334 --> 00:16:03,044
[SINGING] Once I was a wooden boy
A little wooden boy
254
00:16:07,132 --> 00:16:09,467
MONICA: So how are you doing today?
Did you sleep okay?
255
00:16:09,677 --> 00:16:13,012
Did you talk to Barry?
I can't stop smiling.
256
00:16:13,806 --> 00:16:17,684
I can see that. You look like you
slept with a hanger in your mouth.
257
00:16:22,940 --> 00:16:26,401
I know. He's just so...
258
00:16:26,568 --> 00:16:28,111
Remember you and Tony De Marco?
259
00:16:28,320 --> 00:16:32,323
- Oh, yeah.
- Well, it's like that. With feelings.
260
00:16:33,200 --> 00:16:34,867
Oh, wow, are you in trouble!
261
00:16:35,536 --> 00:16:39,330
Okay, okay. I am just going to get up,
go to work...
262
00:16:39,498 --> 00:16:42,208
...and not think about him all day.
263
00:16:42,376 --> 00:16:45,336
Or else I'm just gonna
get up and go to work.
264
00:16:45,504 --> 00:16:47,130
- Oh, wish me luck!
- What for?
265
00:16:47,339 --> 00:16:50,633
I'm gonna go get one
of those job things.
266
00:16:58,600 --> 00:17:01,227
- Hey, Monica.
- Hey, Franny. Welcome back.
267
00:17:01,395 --> 00:17:02,895
How was Florida?
268
00:17:03,063 --> 00:17:04,397
You had sex, didn't you?
269
00:17:06,275 --> 00:17:07,316
How do you do that?
270
00:17:08,444 --> 00:17:12,238
- So, who?
- You know Paul?
271
00:17:12,781 --> 00:17:14,365
Paul, the wine guy?
272
00:17:14,533 --> 00:17:16,117
Oh, yeah, I know Paul.
273
00:17:18,662 --> 00:17:21,164
You mean, you know Paul
like I know Paul?
274
00:17:21,373 --> 00:17:23,666
Are you kidding? I take credit for Paul.
275
00:17:23,834 --> 00:17:27,962
Before me, there was no snap
in his turtle for two years.
276
00:17:31,216 --> 00:17:33,760
Of course it was a line.
277
00:17:34,178 --> 00:17:36,846
Why? Why would anybody
do something like that?
278
00:17:37,056 --> 00:17:40,308
We're looking for an answer
more sophisticated than:
279
00:17:40,476 --> 00:17:42,393
"To get you into bed."
280
00:17:43,353 --> 00:17:45,021
Is it me?
281
00:17:45,189 --> 00:17:48,733
Is it like I have some sort of
beacon that only dogs...
282
00:17:48,901 --> 00:17:51,527
...and men with severe emotional
problems can hear?
283
00:17:51,737 --> 00:17:53,654
All right, come here. Give me your feet.
284
00:18:01,163 --> 00:18:02,997
I just thought he was nice, you know?
285
00:18:05,876 --> 00:18:08,336
I can't believe you
didn't know it was a line.
286
00:18:13,217 --> 00:18:14,258
Guess what.
287
00:18:14,426 --> 00:18:16,219
- You got a job?
- Are you kidding?
288
00:18:16,386 --> 00:18:18,054
I'm trained for nothing.
289
00:18:19,890 --> 00:18:21,933
I was laughed out of 12 interviews today.
290
00:18:22,101 --> 00:18:23,643
Yet you're surprisingly upbeat.
291
00:18:23,852 --> 00:18:27,355
Well, you would be too if you found
Joan and David boots on sale...
292
00:18:27,523 --> 00:18:29,273
...50 percent off.
293
00:18:29,483 --> 00:18:31,275
Oh, how well you know me.
294
00:18:32,945 --> 00:18:35,363
They're my new "I don't need
a job or my parents.
295
00:18:35,614 --> 00:18:37,782
I've got great boots" boots.
296
00:18:39,159 --> 00:18:41,369
- How'd you pay for them?
- Uh, credit card.
297
00:18:41,912 --> 00:18:43,579
And who pays for that?
298
00:18:44,248 --> 00:18:46,332
Um, my father.
299
00:18:48,919 --> 00:18:51,087
You can't live off your parents
your whole life.
300
00:18:51,296 --> 00:18:54,966
I know that. That's why
I was getting married.
301
00:18:55,342 --> 00:18:58,344
Give her a break. It's hard being
on your own for the first time.
302
00:18:58,512 --> 00:19:00,012
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
303
00:19:00,180 --> 00:19:02,890
I remember when I first came
to this city, I was 14.
304
00:19:03,058 --> 00:19:05,935
My mom had killed herself
and my stepdad was back in prison.
305
00:19:06,103 --> 00:19:08,146
And I got here,
and I didn't know anybody.
306
00:19:08,313 --> 00:19:11,691
I ended up living with this albino
guy who was cleaning windshields...
307
00:19:11,859 --> 00:19:15,653
...outside Port Authority.
And then he killed himself.
308
00:19:16,405 --> 00:19:20,241
And then I found aromatherapy.
So believe me, I know exactly how you feel.
309
00:19:24,371 --> 00:19:27,123
The word you're looking for is:
310
00:19:27,708 --> 00:19:28,958
"Anyway..."
311
00:19:33,130 --> 00:19:34,255
All right. You ready?
312
00:19:34,423 --> 00:19:36,132
- I don't think so.
ROSS: Oh, come on.
313
00:19:36,466 --> 00:19:37,884
Cut. Cut.
314
00:19:38,093 --> 00:19:41,053
ALL:
Cut, cut, cut.
315
00:19:42,681 --> 00:19:45,600
ROSS: Hey.
MONICA: All right.
316
00:19:45,851 --> 00:19:47,560
Welcome to the real world.
317
00:19:47,769 --> 00:19:50,521
It sucks. You're gonna love it.
318
00:19:51,398 --> 00:19:53,482
[FRANCIS SCOTT KEY'S "STAR-SPANGLED
BANNER" PLAYS ON TV]
319
00:19:57,446 --> 00:20:00,781
Well, that's it.
You gonna crash on the couch?
320
00:20:00,991 --> 00:20:04,327
- No. No, I gotta go home sometime.
- Are you gonna be okay?
321
00:20:04,494 --> 00:20:05,995
Yeah.
322
00:20:07,039 --> 00:20:08,915
Look what I just found on the floor.
323
00:20:11,210 --> 00:20:12,460
What?
324
00:20:12,920 --> 00:20:14,420
That's Paul's watch.
325
00:20:14,588 --> 00:20:16,672
You can just put it back
where you found it.
326
00:20:18,300 --> 00:20:21,761
Oh, boy. All right.
Good night, everybody.
327
00:20:21,929 --> 00:20:22,970
ROSS & RACHEL:
Good night.
328
00:20:23,138 --> 00:20:25,056
[WATCH CRACKS]
329
00:20:28,936 --> 00:20:30,353
[DOOR CLOSES]
330
00:20:31,480 --> 00:20:33,147
- Hmm.
- Hmm.
331
00:20:34,274 --> 00:20:35,524
- Oh, sorry.
- No. Oh, no. Go.
332
00:20:35,692 --> 00:20:37,652
- No, have it, really.
- Split it?
333
00:20:37,819 --> 00:20:39,820
- Okay.
- Okay.
334
00:20:41,740 --> 00:20:42,782
Thanks.
335
00:20:43,492 --> 00:20:47,078
You probably didn't know this,
but back in high school I had...
336
00:20:47,246 --> 00:20:49,080
...a major crush on you.
337
00:20:50,540 --> 00:20:51,707
I knew.
338
00:20:52,084 --> 00:20:54,335
You did? Oh.
339
00:20:55,128 --> 00:20:58,130
I figured you thought I was
Monica's geeky older brother.
340
00:20:58,882 --> 00:21:00,883
- I did.
- Oh.
341
00:21:05,514 --> 00:21:07,348
Listen, do you think...
342
00:21:07,516 --> 00:21:11,018
And try not to let my vulnerability
become any kind of a factor here.
343
00:21:13,105 --> 00:21:16,983
Do you think it would be okay if
I ask you out sometime, maybe?
344
00:21:18,235 --> 00:21:20,069
Yeah.
345
00:21:20,529 --> 00:21:21,821
Maybe.
346
00:21:22,823 --> 00:21:24,657
Okay.
347
00:21:29,413 --> 00:21:31,872
Okay, maybe I will.
348
00:21:34,209 --> 00:21:35,668
[RACHEL CHUCKLES]
349
00:21:35,836 --> 00:21:37,962
- Good night.
- Good night.
350
00:21:40,966 --> 00:21:42,967
[DOOR OPENS THEN CLOSES]
351
00:21:48,432 --> 00:21:50,433
[DOOR OPENS]
352
00:21:51,518 --> 00:21:53,227
See you.
353
00:21:53,729 --> 00:21:54,770
ROSS:
Mm-hm.
354
00:21:54,938 --> 00:21:57,356
Wait, wait. Hey, what's with you?
355
00:21:59,651 --> 00:22:02,320
I just grabbed a spoon.
356
00:22:10,495 --> 00:22:11,954
Can't believe what I'm hearing.
357
00:22:12,205 --> 00:22:13,873
[SINGING] I can't believe
What I'm hearing here
358
00:22:14,041 --> 00:22:16,250
- What? I said you had...
- What? I said you had...
359
00:22:17,294 --> 00:22:19,754
- Would you stop?
- Oh, was I doing it again?
360
00:22:19,963 --> 00:22:21,797
ALL:
Yes.
361
00:22:22,841 --> 00:22:24,842
WOMAN:
Would anybody like more coffee?
362
00:22:26,720 --> 00:22:29,180
Did you make it or are you just serving it?
363
00:22:29,348 --> 00:22:32,641
- I'm just serving it.
CHANDLER: I'll have a cup of coffee.
364
00:22:33,101 --> 00:22:34,352
Kids, new dream.
365
00:22:35,103 --> 00:22:38,439
I'm in Las Vegas. I'm Liza Minnelli.
366
00:22:44,196 --> 00:22:46,197
[English - US - SDH]
00:00:47,881 --> 00:00:49,757
[CAR HORNS HONKING]
2
00:00:49,966 --> 00:00:52,760
There's nothing to tell.
It's just some guy I work with.
3
00:00:52,969 --> 00:00:55,137
Come on.
You're going out with a guy.
4
00:00:55,305 --> 00:00:57,848
There's gotta be something
wrong with him.
5
00:00:58,058 --> 00:00:59,933
So does he have a hump
and a hair piece?
6
00:01:02,395 --> 00:01:03,771
Wait. Does he eat chalk?
7
00:01:05,023 --> 00:01:08,233
I don't want her to go through
what I went through with Carl. Oh.
8
00:01:08,443 --> 00:01:11,236
Okay, everybody relax.
This is not even a date.
9
00:01:11,446 --> 00:01:14,406
It's just two people going out
to dinner and not having sex.
10
00:01:14,616 --> 00:01:16,158
Sounds like a date to me.
11
00:01:19,037 --> 00:01:21,872
I'm back in high school,
in the middle of the cafeteria...
12
00:01:22,082 --> 00:01:25,417
...and I realize I'm totally naked.
13
00:01:25,627 --> 00:01:27,169
- Oh, yeah.
- I've had that dream.
14
00:01:27,378 --> 00:01:31,465
Then I look down and I realize
there is a phone...
15
00:01:32,050 --> 00:01:34,009
...there.
16
00:01:34,928 --> 00:01:36,845
- Instead of...
- That's right!
17
00:01:37,055 --> 00:01:38,555
MONICA: That one, I've never had.
PHOEBE: No.
18
00:01:38,723 --> 00:01:42,851
All of a sudden,
the phone starts to ring.
19
00:01:43,061 --> 00:01:44,812
And it turns out it's my mother.
20
00:01:46,564 --> 00:01:50,859
Which is very, very weird
because she never calls me.
21
00:01:55,865 --> 00:01:57,783
Hi.
22
00:01:58,785 --> 00:02:01,954
This guy says "hello,"
I wanna kill myself.
23
00:02:02,247 --> 00:02:03,413
Are you okay, sweetie?
24
00:02:03,665 --> 00:02:08,335
I feel like someone grabbed my small
intestine, pulled it out of my mouth...
25
00:02:08,503 --> 00:02:11,380
...and tied it around my neck.
- Cookie?
26
00:02:13,383 --> 00:02:14,883
Carol moved her stuff out today.
27
00:02:15,093 --> 00:02:16,135
PHOEBE & JOEY:
Oh.
28
00:02:16,302 --> 00:02:18,095
- Let me get you some coffee.
- Thanks.
29
00:02:21,057 --> 00:02:22,808
Ew. Unh.
30
00:02:22,976 --> 00:02:26,937
No. No, don't!
Stop cleansing my aura.
31
00:02:27,230 --> 00:02:29,773
Just leave my aura alone, okay?
32
00:02:31,776 --> 00:02:34,653
I'll be fine. All right? Really.
I hope she'll be very happy.
33
00:02:34,821 --> 00:02:36,155
- No, you don't.
- No, I don't.
34
00:02:36,322 --> 00:02:38,157
To hell with her. She left me!
35
00:02:39,200 --> 00:02:41,160
And you never knew she was a lesbian.
36
00:02:45,206 --> 00:02:47,374
No! Okay?
37
00:02:47,542 --> 00:02:50,335
Why does everyone
keep fixating on that?
38
00:02:51,963 --> 00:02:54,756
She didn't know. How should I know?
39
00:02:56,593 --> 00:02:59,261
Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian.
40
00:03:00,889 --> 00:03:02,890
Did I say that out loud?
41
00:03:04,809 --> 00:03:08,896
All right, Ross. Look, you're feeling
a lot of pain right now.
42
00:03:09,063 --> 00:03:11,481
You're angry. You're hurting.
43
00:03:11,733 --> 00:03:13,942
Can I tell you what the answer is?
44
00:03:14,152 --> 00:03:15,444
Strip joints!
45
00:03:17,614 --> 00:03:19,948
Come on, you're single.
Have some hormones.
46
00:03:20,158 --> 00:03:22,451
See, but I don't want
to be single, okay?
47
00:03:22,660 --> 00:03:25,829
I just wanna be married again.
48
00:03:29,959 --> 00:03:33,086
And I just want a million dollars!
49
00:03:34,214 --> 00:03:35,297
Rachel?
50
00:03:35,465 --> 00:03:38,175
Oh, God, Monica! Hi! Thank God!
51
00:03:38,343 --> 00:03:41,511
I went to your building and
this guy with a hammer said...
52
00:03:41,679 --> 00:03:43,889
...that you might be here, and you are.
53
00:03:44,140 --> 00:03:47,643
- Can I get you some coffee?
- Decaf.
54
00:03:48,228 --> 00:03:52,189
Okay, everybody, this is Rachel,
another Lincoln High survivor.
55
00:03:52,440 --> 00:03:54,900
This is everybody.
This is Chandler and Phoebe...
56
00:03:55,109 --> 00:03:57,361
...and Joey. And remember
my brother, Ross?
57
00:03:57,528 --> 00:03:58,654
- Sure!
- Hey.
58
00:03:58,821 --> 00:04:00,739
- Hi.
- Oh, God.
59
00:04:06,955 --> 00:04:08,330
[SIGHS]
60
00:04:08,539 --> 00:04:12,125
So you wanna tell us now, or are we
waiting for four wet bridesmaids?
61
00:04:14,379 --> 00:04:19,341
Oh, God! Well, it started about
a half-hour before the wedding.
62
00:04:19,509 --> 00:04:21,927
I was in this room
with all the presents...
63
00:04:22,095 --> 00:04:23,929
...and I was looking
at this gravy boat.
64
00:04:24,138 --> 00:04:27,557
This really gorgeous
Limoges gravy boat.
65
00:04:27,725 --> 00:04:29,559
When all of a sudden...
Sweet 'N Low?
66
00:04:29,727 --> 00:04:31,853
- I realized...
67
00:04:32,021 --> 00:04:35,941
...I was more turned on by
this gravy boat than by Barry.
68
00:04:36,109 --> 00:04:39,152
Then I got really freaked out,
and that's when it hit me:
69
00:04:39,320 --> 00:04:42,114
How much Barry looks
like Mr. Potato Head.
70
00:04:42,532 --> 00:04:45,784
You know, I mean, I always knew
he looked familiar, but...
71
00:04:47,954 --> 00:04:51,290
Anyway, I just had to get out of there,
and I started wondering:
72
00:04:51,541 --> 00:04:55,127
"Why am I doing this?"
And "Who am I doing this for?"
73
00:04:55,295 --> 00:04:59,673
Anyway, I just didn't know where to go,
and I know you and I have drifted apart...
74
00:04:59,882 --> 00:05:02,718
...but you're the only person
I know in the city.
75
00:05:02,927 --> 00:05:04,594
Who wasn't invited to the wedding.
76
00:05:04,971 --> 00:05:07,889
Oh, I was kind of hoping that
wouldn't be an issue.
77
00:05:15,189 --> 00:05:17,274
[SPEAKING IN SPANISH
ON TV]
78
00:05:22,071 --> 00:05:24,573
I'm guessing he bought her
the big pipe organ...
79
00:05:24,741 --> 00:05:27,200
...and she's really not
happy about it.
80
00:05:28,453 --> 00:05:31,496
Daddy, I just... I can't marry him.
81
00:05:31,664 --> 00:05:33,332
I'm sorry.
82
00:05:33,499 --> 00:05:36,376
I just don't love him.
83
00:05:36,836 --> 00:05:39,504
Well, it matters to me.
84
00:05:42,008 --> 00:05:44,384
CHANDLER:
She should not be wearing those pants.
85
00:05:45,595 --> 00:05:47,554
I say push her down the stairs.
86
00:05:47,764 --> 00:05:50,974
ALL: Push her down the stairs!
Push her down the stairs!
87
00:05:51,392 --> 00:05:52,517
[ALL CHEER AND APPLAUD]
88
00:05:55,229 --> 00:05:57,230
Come on, Daddy, listen to me!
89
00:05:57,440 --> 00:06:01,985
It's like all of my life, everyone's
always told me, "You're a shoe!
90
00:06:02,153 --> 00:06:04,237
You're a shoe! You're a shoe!
You're a shoe!"
91
00:06:04,447 --> 00:06:07,616
Then today I stopped and said,
"What if I don't wanna be a shoe?
92
00:06:07,825 --> 00:06:10,994
What if I wanna be a purse?
You know?
93
00:06:11,162 --> 00:06:12,954
Or a hat?"
94
00:06:13,873 --> 00:06:16,416
I don't want you to buy me a hat,
I am a hat.
95
00:06:16,584 --> 00:06:18,794
It's a metaphor, Daddy!
96
00:06:20,546 --> 00:06:22,381
You can see where he'd have trouble.
97
00:06:25,635 --> 00:06:27,511
Look, Daddy, it's my life.
98
00:06:28,846 --> 00:06:31,306
Well, maybe I'll just stay
here with Monica.
99
00:06:34,310 --> 00:06:36,812
I guess we've established
she's staying with Monica.
100
00:06:38,898 --> 00:06:41,691
Well, maybe that's my decision.
101
00:06:42,276 --> 00:06:44,528
Well, maybe I don't need your money.
102
00:06:44,695 --> 00:06:46,947
Wait! Wait! I said maybe!
103
00:06:53,913 --> 00:06:56,123
Okay. Just breathe, that's it.
104
00:06:56,332 --> 00:06:58,792
Just try to think of nice, calm things.
105
00:06:59,001 --> 00:07:02,879
[SINGING] Raindrops on roses
And whiskers on kittens
106
00:07:03,256 --> 00:07:07,217
Doorbells and sleigh bells
And something with mittens
107
00:07:07,969 --> 00:07:11,346
La la la something
With string
108
00:07:11,514 --> 00:07:13,390
I'm all better now.
109
00:07:15,184 --> 00:07:17,185
I helped.
110
00:07:18,855 --> 00:07:21,189
MONICA: Look, this is probably
for the best, you know?
111
00:07:21,524 --> 00:07:24,067
Independence. Taking control of your life.
112
00:07:24,277 --> 00:07:28,613
And, hey, if you need anything,
you can always come to Joey.
113
00:07:28,781 --> 00:07:32,200
Me and Chandler live right
across the hall. And he's away a lot.
114
00:07:34,078 --> 00:07:36,621
Joey, stop hitting on her.
It's her wedding day.
115
00:07:36,831 --> 00:07:38,790
What? Like there's a rule or something?
116
00:07:39,459 --> 00:07:40,584
[INTERCOM BUZZES]
117
00:07:41,335 --> 00:07:44,880
Please don't do that again.
It's a horrible sound.
118
00:07:45,047 --> 00:07:47,466
PAUL: Uh, it's Paul.
- Buzz him in.
119
00:07:47,758 --> 00:07:50,051
- Who's Paul?
- Paul, the wine guy, Paul?
120
00:07:50,261 --> 00:07:51,303
Maybe.
121
00:07:51,512 --> 00:07:54,806
Wait a minute. Your "not a real date"
is with Paul, the wine guy?
122
00:07:55,016 --> 00:07:56,808
- He finally asked you out?
- Yes.
123
00:07:56,976 --> 00:07:58,768
Ooh. This is a "Dear Diary" moment.
124
00:08:00,313 --> 00:08:01,813
Rach, wait, I can cancel.
125
00:08:02,064 --> 00:08:03,857
Please, no. Go, I'll be fine.
126
00:08:04,025 --> 00:08:07,736
Ross, are you okay?
I mean, do you want me to stay?
127
00:08:08,613 --> 00:08:10,739
That'd be good.
128
00:08:11,115 --> 00:08:14,868
- Really?
- No, go on! It's Paul, the wine guy.
129
00:08:15,077 --> 00:08:16,203
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
130
00:08:18,706 --> 00:08:21,124
MONICA:
Hi, come in. Paul, this is...
131
00:08:22,001 --> 00:08:24,544
...everybody. Everybody, this is Paul.
132
00:08:25,004 --> 00:08:26,046
JOEY:
Paul, the wine guy.
133
00:08:26,255 --> 00:08:30,091
- Wine guy.
- I didn't catch your name. Paul, was it?
134
00:08:30,510 --> 00:08:33,053
- Okay. Sit down. Two seconds.
- Okay.
135
00:08:33,596 --> 00:08:36,014
[MOUTHING]
136
00:08:37,225 --> 00:08:40,310
Ooh, I just pulled out four eyelashes.
That can't be good.
137
00:08:42,855 --> 00:08:44,731
So, Rachel,
what are you up to tonight?
138
00:08:45,274 --> 00:08:49,110
Well, I was supposed to be headed
for Aruba on my honeymoon...
139
00:08:49,278 --> 00:08:50,320
...so, nothing.
140
00:08:52,740 --> 00:08:54,950
Right. You're not even
getting your honeymoon.
141
00:08:55,243 --> 00:08:59,204
God. No, no. Although, Aruba. Heh.
This time of year? Eh.
142
00:08:59,372 --> 00:09:01,957
Talk about your...
143
00:09:02,124 --> 00:09:03,166
...big lizards.
144
00:09:07,964 --> 00:09:10,674
Anyway, if you don't feel
like being alone tonight...
145
00:09:10,883 --> 00:09:13,718
...Joey and Chandler are
helping me with my furniture.
146
00:09:13,886 --> 00:09:17,055
Yes, and we're very excited about it.
147
00:09:17,223 --> 00:09:20,559
Actually, thanks, but I'm just gonna
hang out here tonight.
148
00:09:20,726 --> 00:09:22,769
- It's been a long day.
- Oh, sure. Okay. Sure.
149
00:09:22,937 --> 00:09:24,271
Hey, Pheebs, you wanna help?
150
00:09:24,689 --> 00:09:26,648
Oh, I wish I could, but I don't want to.
151
00:09:34,865 --> 00:09:39,286
I'm supposed to attach a bracket-y
thing to the side things...
152
00:09:39,453 --> 00:09:42,247
...using a bunch of these
little worm guys.
153
00:09:43,416 --> 00:09:48,169
I have no bracket-y thing,
I see no worm guys whatsoever...
154
00:09:48,337 --> 00:09:51,423
...and I cannot feel my legs.
155
00:09:53,009 --> 00:09:54,050
What's this?
156
00:09:54,260 --> 00:09:57,262
I have no idea.
157
00:09:59,140 --> 00:10:01,558
- Done with the bookcase.
- All finished.
158
00:10:05,146 --> 00:10:06,938
This was Carol's favorite beer.
159
00:10:09,025 --> 00:10:11,693
She always drank it out of the can.
I should have known.
160
00:10:11,861 --> 00:10:15,071
Hey. Ross, let me ask you a question.
161
00:10:15,239 --> 00:10:19,451
She got the furniture,
the stereo, the good TV.
162
00:10:19,619 --> 00:10:20,660
What did you get?
163
00:10:20,995 --> 00:10:22,037
You guys.
164
00:10:22,204 --> 00:10:24,289
- Oh, God. Oh, my God.
- You got screwed.
165
00:10:24,498 --> 00:10:28,793
- Oh, my God.
- I know, I know. I'm such an idiot.
166
00:10:29,337 --> 00:10:33,882
I should've caught on when she went to
the dentist four and five times a week.
167
00:10:34,050 --> 00:10:36,259
I mean, how clean can teeth get?
168
00:10:36,427 --> 00:10:38,845
My brother's going through that.
He's such a mess.
169
00:10:39,013 --> 00:10:40,680
How did you get through it?
170
00:10:40,890 --> 00:10:44,392
He might try accidentally breaking
something valuable of hers.
171
00:10:44,560 --> 00:10:46,144
- Say her...
- Leg?
172
00:10:46,312 --> 00:10:48,229
Heh. That's one way of going through it,
yeah.
173
00:10:48,773 --> 00:10:50,315
Me, I went for the watch.
174
00:10:50,775 --> 00:10:52,651
- You actually broke her watch?
- Mm.
175
00:10:53,277 --> 00:10:56,363
Barry, I'm sorry. I am so sorry.
176
00:10:56,614 --> 00:11:01,534
You probably think it's about making
love with your socks on, but it isn't.
177
00:11:01,702 --> 00:11:04,537
It isn't, it's about me. And I...
178
00:11:04,705 --> 00:11:06,706
[SIGHS]
179
00:11:11,587 --> 00:11:14,631
Hi. Machine cut me off again.
Anyway...
180
00:11:16,425 --> 00:11:20,512
You know what's scary? What if
there's only one woman for everybody?
181
00:11:20,721 --> 00:11:24,057
I mean, what if you get one
woman, and that's it?
182
00:11:24,225 --> 00:11:29,104
Unfortunately, in my case,
there was only one woman for her.
183
00:11:29,563 --> 00:11:32,816
What are you talking about?
One woman.
184
00:11:33,401 --> 00:11:37,028
That's like saying there's only
one flavor of ice cream for you.
185
00:11:37,196 --> 00:11:40,949
Let me tell you something, Ross.
There's lots of flavors out there.
186
00:11:41,117 --> 00:11:45,578
There's rocky road and cookie dough
and bing cherry vanilla.
187
00:11:46,205 --> 00:11:50,709
You can get them with jimmies
or nuts or whipped cream.
188
00:11:50,960 --> 00:11:53,628
This is the best thing that
ever happened to you.
189
00:11:53,796 --> 00:11:56,673
You got married. You were like, what, 8?
190
00:11:58,634 --> 00:12:02,637
Welcome back to the world. Grab a spoon.
191
00:12:02,805 --> 00:12:05,348
I honestly don't know
if I'm hungry or horny.
192
00:12:05,808 --> 00:12:07,183
Then stay out of my freezer.
193
00:12:10,938 --> 00:12:14,357
Ever since she walked out on me, I...
194
00:12:14,692 --> 00:12:16,651
What? What?
195
00:12:16,819 --> 00:12:18,653
You wanna spell it out with noodles?
196
00:12:18,863 --> 00:12:22,449
No, it's more of a fifth date
kind of revelation.
197
00:12:23,242 --> 00:12:26,286
Oh, so there's gonna be a fifth date?
198
00:12:27,830 --> 00:12:29,497
Isn't there?
199
00:12:29,707 --> 00:12:31,875
Yeah, yeah. I think there is.
200
00:12:33,711 --> 00:12:35,420
What were you gonna say?
201
00:12:37,047 --> 00:12:39,174
Well... Er, uh...
202
00:12:40,342 --> 00:12:42,552
Ever since she left me, um...
203
00:12:43,679 --> 00:12:46,973
...I haven't been able to perform...
204
00:12:47,224 --> 00:12:48,433
...sexually.
205
00:12:51,312 --> 00:12:52,812
Oh, God! Oh, God! I am so...
206
00:12:53,022 --> 00:12:54,230
- I'm so sorry.
- It's okay.
207
00:12:54,440 --> 00:12:57,859
Being spit on is probably
not what you need right now.
208
00:12:58,027 --> 00:12:59,736
Um...
209
00:13:00,112 --> 00:13:01,196
How long?
210
00:13:01,739 --> 00:13:02,822
Two years.
211
00:13:03,574 --> 00:13:05,283
Wow!
212
00:13:05,451 --> 00:13:08,411
I'm glad you smashed her watch.
213
00:13:10,372 --> 00:13:13,792
So you still think you might
want that fifth date?
214
00:13:16,796 --> 00:13:18,338
Yeah.
215
00:13:18,506 --> 00:13:20,340
Yeah, I do.
216
00:13:21,550 --> 00:13:24,886
I, Joanie, take you, Charles,
as my lawful husband.
217
00:13:25,221 --> 00:13:28,473
MINISTER: Do you take Joanie...?
- Oh! See.
218
00:13:28,641 --> 00:13:33,853
But Joanie loved Chachi.
That's the difference.
219
00:13:35,397 --> 00:13:36,773
"Grab a spoon."
220
00:13:37,107 --> 00:13:39,609
Do you know long it's been
since I grabbed a spoon?
221
00:13:40,110 --> 00:13:42,946
Do the words, "Billy, don't be
a hero," mean anything to you?
222
00:13:45,199 --> 00:13:49,702
You know, here's the thing.
Even if I could get it together enough...
223
00:13:49,870 --> 00:13:52,413
...to ask a woman out...
224
00:13:52,873 --> 00:13:55,291
...who am I gonna ask?
225
00:14:16,605 --> 00:14:17,981
Isn't this amazing?
226
00:14:18,148 --> 00:14:20,483
I mean, I have never made coffee
before in my life.
227
00:14:20,651 --> 00:14:23,152
- That is amazing.
- Congratulations.
228
00:14:23,362 --> 00:14:28,074
While you're on a roll, if you feel like you
gotta make a Western omelet or something...
229
00:14:30,995 --> 00:14:34,455
Although, actually I'm really
not that hungry this morning.
230
00:14:35,374 --> 00:14:36,708
- Good morning.
MONICA: Good morning.
231
00:14:36,876 --> 00:14:38,501
- Morning.
JOEY: Morning.
232
00:14:39,420 --> 00:14:41,588
- Morning.
JOEY: Morning, Paul.
233
00:14:41,755 --> 00:14:44,966
- Hello, Paul.
- Hi. Paul, is it?
234
00:14:49,096 --> 00:14:51,848
MONICA:
I had a really great time last night.
235
00:14:52,016 --> 00:14:53,892
PAUL:
Thank you. Thank you so much.
236
00:14:54,602 --> 00:14:57,478
- We'll talk later, okay?
- Yeah.
237
00:15:02,151 --> 00:15:03,985
Thank you.
238
00:15:09,825 --> 00:15:12,619
That wasn't a real date.
239
00:15:13,329 --> 00:15:16,164
What the hell do you do
on a real date?
240
00:15:17,041 --> 00:15:20,501
- Shut up and put my table back.
JOEY: Okay.
241
00:15:20,669 --> 00:15:22,545
All right, kids, I gotta get to work.
242
00:15:22,755 --> 00:15:28,259
If I don't input those numbers,
it doesn't make much of a difference.
243
00:15:31,305 --> 00:15:33,431
So, like, you guys all have jobs?
244
00:15:34,224 --> 00:15:35,892
Yeah, we all have jobs.
245
00:15:36,101 --> 00:15:38,728
See, that's how we buy stuff.
246
00:15:40,356 --> 00:15:41,648
Yeah, I'm an actor.
247
00:15:41,857 --> 00:15:44,067
Wow. Would I have seen you in anything?
248
00:15:44,276 --> 00:15:46,611
Oh, I doubt it. Mostly regional work.
249
00:15:46,820 --> 00:15:50,406
Unless you happened to catch the
Wee One's production of Pinocchio.
250
00:15:50,658 --> 00:15:53,201
"Look, Geppeto. I'm a real live boy."
251
00:15:56,038 --> 00:15:57,747
I will not take this abuse.
252
00:15:57,998 --> 00:15:59,916
You're right. I'm sorry.
253
00:16:00,334 --> 00:16:03,044
[SINGING] Once I was a wooden boy
A little wooden boy
254
00:16:07,132 --> 00:16:09,467
MONICA: So how are you doing today?
Did you sleep okay?
255
00:16:09,677 --> 00:16:13,012
Did you talk to Barry?
I can't stop smiling.
256
00:16:13,806 --> 00:16:17,684
I can see that. You look like you
slept with a hanger in your mouth.
257
00:16:22,940 --> 00:16:26,401
I know. He's just so...
258
00:16:26,568 --> 00:16:28,111
Remember you and Tony De Marco?
259
00:16:28,320 --> 00:16:32,323
- Oh, yeah.
- Well, it's like that. With feelings.
260
00:16:33,200 --> 00:16:34,867
Oh, wow, are you in trouble!
261
00:16:35,536 --> 00:16:39,330
Okay, okay. I am just going to get up,
go to work...
262
00:16:39,498 --> 00:16:42,208
...and not think about him all day.
263
00:16:42,376 --> 00:16:45,336
Or else I'm just gonna
get up and go to work.
264
00:16:45,504 --> 00:16:47,130
- Oh, wish me luck!
- What for?
265
00:16:47,339 --> 00:16:50,633
I'm gonna go get one
of those job things.
266
00:16:58,600 --> 00:17:01,227
- Hey, Monica.
- Hey, Franny. Welcome back.
267
00:17:01,395 --> 00:17:02,895
How was Florida?
268
00:17:03,063 --> 00:17:04,397
You had sex, didn't you?
269
00:17:06,275 --> 00:17:07,316
How do you do that?
270
00:17:08,444 --> 00:17:12,238
- So, who?
- You know Paul?
271
00:17:12,781 --> 00:17:14,365
Paul, the wine guy?
272
00:17:14,533 --> 00:17:16,117
Oh, yeah, I know Paul.
273
00:17:18,662 --> 00:17:21,164
You mean, you know Paul
like I know Paul?
274
00:17:21,373 --> 00:17:23,666
Are you kidding? I take credit for Paul.
275
00:17:23,834 --> 00:17:27,962
Before me, there was no snap
in his turtle for two years.
276
00:17:31,216 --> 00:17:33,760
Of course it was a line.
277
00:17:34,178 --> 00:17:36,846
Why? Why would anybody
do something like that?
278
00:17:37,056 --> 00:17:40,308
We're looking for an answer
more sophisticated than:
279
00:17:40,476 --> 00:17:42,393
"To get you into bed."
280
00:17:43,353 --> 00:17:45,021
Is it me?
281
00:17:45,189 --> 00:17:48,733
Is it like I have some sort of
beacon that only dogs...
282
00:17:48,901 --> 00:17:51,527
...and men with severe emotional
problems can hear?
283
00:17:51,737 --> 00:17:53,654
All right, come here. Give me your feet.
284
00:18:01,163 --> 00:18:02,997
I just thought he was nice, you know?
285
00:18:05,876 --> 00:18:08,336
I can't believe you
didn't know it was a line.
286
00:18:13,217 --> 00:18:14,258
Guess what.
287
00:18:14,426 --> 00:18:16,219
- You got a job?
- Are you kidding?
288
00:18:16,386 --> 00:18:18,054
I'm trained for nothing.
289
00:18:19,890 --> 00:18:21,933
I was laughed out of 12 interviews today.
290
00:18:22,101 --> 00:18:23,643
Yet you're surprisingly upbeat.
291
00:18:23,852 --> 00:18:27,355
Well, you would be too if you found
Joan and David boots on sale...
292
00:18:27,523 --> 00:18:29,273
...50 percent off.
293
00:18:29,483 --> 00:18:31,275
Oh, how well you know me.
294
00:18:32,945 --> 00:18:35,363
They're my new "I don't need
a job or my parents.
295
00:18:35,614 --> 00:18:37,782
I've got great boots" boots.
296
00:18:39,159 --> 00:18:41,369
- How'd you pay for them?
- Uh, credit card.
297
00:18:41,912 --> 00:18:43,579
And who pays for that?
298
00:18:44,248 --> 00:18:46,332
Um, my father.
299
00:18:48,919 --> 00:18:51,087
You can't live off your parents
your whole life.
300
00:18:51,296 --> 00:18:54,966
I know that. That's why
I was getting married.
301
00:18:55,342 --> 00:18:58,344
Give her a break. It's hard being
on your own for the first time.
302
00:18:58,512 --> 00:19:00,012
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
303
00:19:00,180 --> 00:19:02,890
I remember when I first came
to this city, I was 14.
304
00:19:03,058 --> 00:19:05,935
My mom had killed herself
and my stepdad was back in prison.
305
00:19:06,103 --> 00:19:08,146
And I got here,
and I didn't know anybody.
306
00:19:08,313 --> 00:19:11,691
I ended up living with this albino
guy who was cleaning windshields...
307
00:19:11,859 --> 00:19:15,653
...outside Port Authority.
And then he killed himself.
308
00:19:16,405 --> 00:19:20,241
And then I found aromatherapy.
So believe me, I know exactly how you feel.
309
00:19:24,371 --> 00:19:27,123
The word you're looking for is:
310
00:19:27,708 --> 00:19:28,958
"Anyway..."
311
00:19:33,130 --> 00:19:34,255
All right. You ready?
312
00:19:34,423 --> 00:19:36,132
- I don't think so.
ROSS: Oh, come on.
313
00:19:36,466 --> 00:19:37,884
Cut. Cut.
314
00:19:38,093 --> 00:19:41,053
ALL:
Cut, cut, cut.
315
00:19:42,681 --> 00:19:45,600
ROSS: Hey.
MONICA: All right.
316
00:19:45,851 --> 00:19:47,560
Welcome to the real world.
317
00:19:47,769 --> 00:19:50,521
It sucks. You're gonna love it.
318
00:19:51,398 --> 00:19:53,482
[FRANCIS SCOTT KEY'S "STAR-SPANGLED
BANNER" PLAYS ON TV]
319
00:19:57,446 --> 00:20:00,781
Well, that's it.
You gonna crash on the couch?
320
00:20:00,991 --> 00:20:04,327
- No. No, I gotta go home sometime.
- Are you gonna be okay?
321
00:20:04,494 --> 00:20:05,995
Yeah.
322
00:20:07,039 --> 00:20:08,915
Look what I just found on the floor.
323
00:20:11,210 --> 00:20:12,460
What?
324
00:20:12,920 --> 00:20:14,420
That's Paul's watch.
325
00:20:14,588 --> 00:20:16,672
You can just put it back
where you found it.
326
00:20:18,300 --> 00:20:21,761
Oh, boy. All right.
Good night, everybody.
327
00:20:21,929 --> 00:20:22,970
ROSS & RACHEL:
Good night.
328
00:20:23,138 --> 00:20:25,056
[WATCH CRACKS]
329
00:20:28,936 --> 00:20:30,353
[DOOR CLOSES]
330
00:20:31,480 --> 00:20:33,147
- Hmm.
- Hmm.
331
00:20:34,274 --> 00:20:35,524
- Oh, sorry.
- No. Oh, no. Go.
332
00:20:35,692 --> 00:20:37,652
- No, have it, really.
- Split it?
333
00:20:37,819 --> 00:20:39,820
- Okay.
- Okay.
334
00:20:41,740 --> 00:20:42,782
Thanks.
335
00:20:43,492 --> 00:20:47,078
You probably didn't know this,
but back in high school I had...
336
00:20:47,246 --> 00:20:49,080
...a major crush on you.
337
00:20:50,540 --> 00:20:51,707
I knew.
338
00:20:52,084 --> 00:20:54,335
You did? Oh.
339
00:20:55,128 --> 00:20:58,130
I figured you thought I was
Monica's geeky older brother.
340
00:20:58,882 --> 00:21:00,883
- I did.
- Oh.
341
00:21:05,514 --> 00:21:07,348
Listen, do you think...
342
00:21:07,516 --> 00:21:11,018
And try not to let my vulnerability
become any kind of a factor here.
343
00:21:13,105 --> 00:21:16,983
Do you think it would be okay if
I ask you out sometime, maybe?
344
00:21:18,235 --> 00:21:20,069
Yeah.
345
00:21:20,529 --> 00:21:21,821
Maybe.
346
00:21:22,823 --> 00:21:24,657
Okay.
347
00:21:29,413 --> 00:21:31,872
Okay, maybe I will.
348
00:21:34,209 --> 00:21:35,668
[RACHEL CHUCKLES]
349
00:21:35,836 --> 00:21:37,962
- Good night.
- Good night.
350
00:21:40,966 --> 00:21:42,967
[DOOR OPENS THEN CLOSES]
351
00:21:48,432 --> 00:21:50,433
[DOOR OPENS]
352
00:21:51,518 --> 00:21:53,227
See you.
353
00:21:53,729 --> 00:21:54,770
ROSS:
Mm-hm.
354
00:21:54,938 --> 00:21:57,356
Wait, wait. Hey, what's with you?
355
00:21:59,651 --> 00:22:02,320
I just grabbed a spoon.
356
00:22:10,495 --> 00:22:11,954
Can't believe what I'm hearing.
357
00:22:12,205 --> 00:22:13,873
[SINGING] I can't believe
What I'm hearing here
358
00:22:14,041 --> 00:22:16,250
- What? I said you had...
- What? I said you had...
359
00:22:17,294 --> 00:22:19,754
- Would you stop?
- Oh, was I doing it again?
360
00:22:19,963 --> 00:22:21,797
ALL:
Yes.
361
00:22:22,841 --> 00:22:24,842
WOMAN:
Would anybody like more coffee?
362
00:22:26,720 --> 00:22:29,180
Did you make it or are you just serving it?
363
00:22:29,348 --> 00:22:32,641
- I'm just serving it.
CHANDLER: I'll have a cup of coffee.
364
00:22:33,101 --> 00:22:34,352
Kids, new dream.
365
00:22:35,103 --> 00:22:38,439
I'm in Las Vegas. I'm Liza Minnelli.
366
00:22:44,196 --> 00:22:46,197
[English - US - SDH]